“At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want” – Lao Tzu

I remember when my beautiful safe illusion began to crumble. I was 16 years old. It was as if I woke up one day hating the world and everything in it.

From about the ages of 5 through 15 I had a place that I believed was home. Home to me was the space I shared with two madly in love, impulsive and compulsive, off-beat renegade parents who lived mostly in present time, not too concerned about the future. All that would have been just fine except for the compulsive parts. One parent struggled with food obsession and the other struggled with alcohol abuse. From compulsive and addictive behaviors I saw the sad and ugly parts of life being exhibited. This was the only life that I knew and I figured that this was all that I had. Intuitively, I knew that what I had wasn’t so whole or so “normal”. Indeed home was a mad, off key and even violent place at times, but it was also a place where the demands and complications from the external world could not come in. The doors of our home were padlocked with a simple yet highly valued view on Love. It was as if we had a sign on our door that read “Let Only Love Enter Here”. It was naive and probably over simplistic, but regardless, this was home to me, a hard and soft place that I belonged to.

Within the next 4 to 6 years from the age of 16 and on, “home” deserted me and I was left with just a hard place. Without a place to call home, I had no place to feel safe, secure, supported accepted or loved. In the new place that I found myself, it felt cold, isolating, depressing and oppressive. Feeling mostly numb, I died inside. It began that nothing seemed to matter. Everything turned out to be unreal anyway. If it wasn’t fake it was phony. I was turning into a more ornery character than Holden Caulfield. All of my childhood illusions were unveiling. My life really began to unravel. At that time my most pressing thought was of suicide.

I didn’t know it then, but it was during the darkest period of my life that I was the closest to God — Universal Pulse of life, the Greatest of all mysteries — that I had ever been in my life up to that point. I didn’t know it then, but Jesus walked alongside of me the whole time. As a brother of mine he simply walked by my side, accepting me as I was. As far as I knew I was alone. I didn’t know it then, but I was surrounded by a whole family of spirit helpers and angels that were helping me to live; to live on purpose. As my life began to unravel and my dominant thought was of exiting this world, I began to ask questions like who was I really, where did I belong, what was I doing here, why me, what did I matter, why did I feel like this, what is this all for, what’s this earthly life about, what is real and not real? Very slowly my suicidal thoughts began to shift very subtly from death and dying to my questions. I began to feel a deep sense of longing for the answers and as I waited in expectation it was an agonizing feeling. Although I wasn’t aware of it then, I was beginning to feel again, only this time I was feeling in a more authentic way. I was slowly moving out of the cold numb place.

My deep discontent for the way things were led me to want to die by suicide, to asking questions that I demanded answers to, which led me to embark out on my own to find these answers. This was my call. I answered the call and little did I know that it would put me on the path of my soul purpose. Again I was alone trekking this path but alone was not a new feeling and anyway, by now, it was literally either life or death, to do or not do.

I couldn’t see it then, but I was redirecting my thoughts and refocusing my mind with these questions. With the refocusing of my thoughts, I eventually came to realize that I actually had choices in my life. What I had was not all that I had. I could choose. Gradually, the course of my life began to change.

Through the course of my path I have discovered my unique calling, my soul purpose, healed my wounds, and transformed myself. All in all, it has been a process of change and it continues to be just that. That process of change is what I do over and over and over again. I explore, discover, heal, and transform. So now I am here, at this part of my journey. This is the part where I am now able to be of service to others. I am here to activate and inspire change. I deliver that in several ways. See Services.

Rev. e.Regina Gomez has earned a B.A. in Social Sciences. She is an NHI certified massage therapist and Level II Reiki Practitioner. She is an SDI Spiritual Director tending to the holy through the art of deep listening. Recently she has become an Ordained Reverend Minister through the Angel Ministry, a unique interfaith program created by author and teacher Rev.Kimberly Marooney, Ph.d. of Gateway University, a school for higher consciousness. Currently she is working on becoming a Reiki Master and is prepping to return to her Aikido practice, a peaceful martial art emphasizing harmony of the spirit. When she is not working, she loves to spend time with her awesome and loving family of two leggeds and four leggeds (peoples and dogs).