Have I ever told you that I am a recovering perfectionist? These days, when I’m not being perfect, I am sooooo much more forgiving of myself. I know that there are a bunch of us gals that still suffer or at least have bouts of the I-Need-To-Be-Perfect-Illness. This post is for you … and for me, too, since Writing has always been a trustworthy guide of mine.
I’m always amazed at how Spirit works. Spirit never fails to work in such magical and mystifying ways. I’ve been thinking of writing a post about how the “mishaps” that show up in her external lives reveal the “mishaps” that are first happening within, at the level of soul and energy. But, as it has turned out, that’s not what this post is about. Instead Spirit wants to teach something else. When Spirit wants to teach you something, there’s not really an easy way out of it. No matter what plans you’ve laid out for yourself, it just does not happen. And this could be at all levels of planning, from your day to day mundane schedules to your life goal plans.
This weekend, we have been learning a lot about ourselves. Spirit has created time for the both of us to review some important lessons in our spiritual training.
One area that light has been shed on is in the area of Perfectionism. I have discovered traces of the affliction still living within me, camouflaging itself in very narrow pathways inside of my brain. I know, right? Sounds like the beginning of a Sci-Fi plot! The form it has taken is nearly invisible, but I managed to “scrape” enough of its surface to examine it and learn more about it.
Here’s what I have found so far: the trace of my perfectionism is genetic. My father suffered from this affliction, too, but with devastating results. Even more interesting is what I found to be the reason for this particular succession. The reason is actually a root question, an unskilled question, judge for yourself — “How is it that I can be so imperfect?”
A cocky question one might think. I might think that way too, at first, but before throwing this post out to the birds branding the question cocky, this is my far out but possibly helpful theory.
Some of us have or have had, at one time or another, embodiment issues. We are not thrilled that we are on planet earth having a human experience. Accepting our humanity can be difficult. To accept our humanity also means that we must accept our imperfection. We all know that quote, “To err is human;to forgive divine.” [Alexander Pope] Exactly. Forgiving our human imperfection is Divine, but not necessarily human. Instead, it’s our nature to just be amiss. Drag City.
Why would anyone believe that they should be perfect? Aside from typical mother-father psychological issues that hopefully are now resolved or mostly resolved, I believe that it’s because at one time in space and place we really were perfect.
At one time we were perfect. Now, as embodied human beings we painfully still have the recollection of that perfection. And like a broken code that takes us to a blank web page with a bold 404 message, we have an internal code error. Within our genetic make up, this code error does not allow us to forget that those were the days when once we were perfect, when once we were in full spectrum potency and could perform any task, deal with any situation perfectly. As a result, we are facing the typical That Was Then, This Is Now crunch. It’s like, “Gee. Once I was way up in the universe in a perfect place as a perfect being living with my perfect God and now I’m here. On planet earth. Living as a mere mortal human where much of my experience has been to wonder if God even exists. Big Sigh.” As a dear old friend used to say, “What to do?”
Luckily, there’s not really much of anything to do. Instead, simply considering this kind-of far out idea will take care of most of the work, especially if this idea resonates with any of you. For me, considering this as a possible reality helps me to work out a different code for myself. It helps me to understand why I’m in a loop over my imperfections. It helps me to more fully accept my experience as a human being, and with that a deeper tolerance for myself and others emerges. Turns out there’s perfection in not being perfect!
Our journey as humans is a spiritual experience and at the end of the day, it is forgiving that is divine.
Being perfect is not part of the master plan down here. I see now that it’s more about embracing and loving our imperfections and realizing that therein lies the true perfection. This can be especially hard for us when we haven’t acknowledged (or resolved) that once we lived as perfect beings and now our experience as human beings is different, yet still we seek out the same perfection. It’s not going to be the same kind of perfect. It’s imperative that we open our eyes to this because then the “affliction” could be transformed into wisdom that we could use to enhance the lives that we have now.
What thoughts or feelings do you have around perfectionism?