My last post was mid last month (and it was a very short one). Whoo! Have I been on a roller coaster ride. I apologize that I have not posted anything sooner than this, but it’s been as if I’ve been in the eye of a storm and am just now able to come to and begin to process what hit me and what is left now.

I need to be transparent here. I am undergoing pretty major architectural changes both in my work as a healing artist as well as in my personal life. As changes are taking place in my outer life, my inner life is being shook up, too.

Change is never easy. I don’t think I’ve ever written that; I hope I’ve never written that. No matter how much I think “I got this” about change, I never really do. I’ve heard of “mastering change” and maybe you have, too. But for the record, let me say this: No one really masters change. What we master is ourselves during a time of change. This here is the one thing I am looking forward to – mastering another aspect of myself that is showing herself during these particular changes in my life.

Even though the storm of change hit, I’m dealing with what’s happening now as a result of the storm of change. Presently, I’m doing lots of contemplating over what this change is asking of me. I’m contemplating questions like: what am I being asked to let go of now? can my attitude be better? what behavioral pattern can I shake up? what is it that’s moving inside of me? is something hurting me? what is that something? what is not happening within? what is not moving inside of me? what feels right about this change? what doesn’t? what am I afraid of? And more questions still!

As I go through the contemplation, I must be vigilant about filtering out judgmental and self-critical thoughts. That is not always easy. I have a tendency towards perfectionism, which, by the way, note to self, doesn’t actually exist. So, in other words, I can be dillusional. That’s what I mean about being vigilant at filtering out the illusory thoughts/perceptions.

Change can be a lot of work, and I need to remember that is is also a God-given opportunity for deep transformation. I want the transformation, so I tinker, explore, and discover how I may improve my own inner and outer workings.

Yes, I am thirsty for transformation, yet the changes themselves can be rough, unpaved roads to traverse. The mastery part comes (often at some later point in time) through contemplating, praying, asking for help, observing, speaking and listening to these shadow parts of the self, then fine tuning or bringing light to these darker/rougher parts.

My hands get dirty and I get muddied up. It happens always during change. Like having on a white dress and then the chocolate ice cream scoop your enjoying plops right onto it. One minute I’m so fresh and so clean and the next I’ve stained myself. Oy?

This is where I am at the moment. This is how I find myself right now. I must recall repeatedly that this will pass and work to keep hope in my heart. With hope, I can go on. With hope, I can trust something I cannot presently see. With hope, I can continue to dream what is in my heart. With hope, I keep motivated to draw out plans. I can see now that the Angel of Hope wants to be with me. I step aside to let her in and she confirms that this is just part of the shedding of old skin. What is Next, holds the promise of not only something better, but something unexpected.

Peace and blessings to each one of you and also to me.

P.s. I was thinking of this song by Tracy Chapman called Change. Here’s a you tube vid of the song that I liked

http://youtu.be/kkCxkgDde88

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